19 Masturbation Stories That’ll Make You Say “SAME”!

I don’t think that there is no such guy on this planet who doesn’t masturbate. So, keeping that in mind I’m 100% sure that all of you will be able to relate to these masturbation stories! I’ve one question though, I’m mean just how often do guys think about sex? And can they literally jerk off to almost anything? These stories have a lot to tell!

Here are 19 masturbation stories that’ll definitely give you a “been-there-done-that” feeling.

read also: Amusing Things You Can Relate To If You’ve Never Been In A Serious Relationship


1. Feels great every time doesn’t it!

first time masturbating: whoa that was great
last time masturbating: whoa that was great

2. Yes, you are, son.

DOCTOR: Bad news. You have a disease and the only cure is frequent, aggressive masturbation from the age of 12.
ME: Mom…I’m gonna make it

3. Uh, okay.

If there’s a sock on my doorknob it means I’m having sex with the other one.

4. We are not as brave as we think ourselves to be.

the worst part of jerking off is closing the other six tabs of porn I didn’t even get to and realizing this is as ambitious as I get

5. I’m pretty sure about it.

If pets could speak, the only thing my cat would talk about is how much I masturbate.

6. You have given them some pretty unpleasant memories young man.

*looks around childhood room* “if these walls could talk…” *wall speaks up* “dude if you jerk off in here again i’m gonna fucking lose it”

7. The tears of joy you get after a day’s, and evening’s and night’s and probably morning’s hard work!

Of course I use tissues when I masturbate, how else would you deal with all the crying

8. uh oh. Sounds like trouble!

9. Okay, I’m convinced with the unrealistic expectations part.

i feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex. for example, having it with another person

10. Not really a problem until you die masturbating!

911, what’s your emergency
“I’m masturbating too much”
Sir that’s not really a problem

11. Ugh, WHAT?! I don’t think anybody will ever recover from that question!

A doctor once asked me “How often do you milk yourself” referring to masturbation and I don’t think I’ve ever recovered

12. That is some serious fail. And speaking of which you should try some new and better and more improvised resolutions next time. Uh, okay, never mind.

“My new years resolution is to masturbate more gently”
*pulls dick clean off*
“hahaha omg FAIL”

13. “I’m lonely” *masturbates* “I’m happy now”

Read also: These Signs Say That You Masturbate Too Much And Are Hopelessly Addicted To It. 

14. Pretty much self-explanatory.

Welcome to masturbation anonymous.

I see everybody came today. That’s disappointing.

15. *Awkward looks exchanged*

future highway moment: two men masturbating on their morning commute in their self driving cars accidentally make eye contact

16. But, would you want to ever rewind it and masturbate to it again!

[watching my life flash before my eyes] Ok wow, that’s a lot of masturbation. Is there any way to fast forward this?

17. Okay, the struggle was real.

Millennial: Ugh everything sucks. FML.

Me: I used to have to jerk off to catalogues.

read also: Find Out What Doctors Have To Say About Masturbation And Its Limitations

18. And the oldies had a different thing going on for themselves.

19. Um, you kinda spoiled my Nike ad, but you’re kinky!

masturbation stories

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *